♡ [1:59am]
2 as i hit th last bracket.. almst entirely in sync.. heheh..♡
i rly hvnt felt myself again,, which is ironic of me to say since thts smthin ((iv alrdy said..)) tht i cnt seem to define on a deeper lvl.. <\3 im a smart girl,, ithnk.. knw how my brain wrks until i dnt.. i feel lik th slowest girl alive smtimes.. cn read othrs easily until i realize n quit it bcos i feel like im goin ovr sme unspoken boundary.. im creative n unmotivated,, smtimes my favorite music is sickenin n i wnt to listen to blaring bass tht hurts my ears so good.. i hav a large vocabulary tht im reluctant to use bcos to sme degree my value lies in stupidity,, i usually feel dumbr whn i feel "myself",, theres rly no constraint just ummmhm.. right.. yanno? ♡ i dnt feel right at all..
ithnk of fractured bits of poetry.. jst lines ithnk wld sound nice smwhere.. n i gt paranoid to post them incase smeone takes it frm me <\3 i like to thnk abt daisy chains n inhalation n cloyingness n bloodsplatter like syrup ♡ i lik to thnk abt dogs n rifles.. ♡
rifles.. ♡ standby riflegirl ♡
he liked to call me tht smtimes,, stormin in uneasy wth his jacket on my shoulders ♡ umm.. he is upset at me again.. <\3 my fault,, i nvr act like it isnt.. th thought of growin a spine is horrifyin, tho..
n ummh.. mre thn anuything im rly missin ppl who dnt exist.. <\3 lik rly rly.. its debilitatin.. <\333 oh how i wish ((he)) ws real.. <\333333333
im so vauge hehe.. i knw i said id ovrshare bt i lik keepin an air of mystery evn in my own spaces..♡ security in.. smthin.. probably dumb..
mmmh to end off on a heavier note.. yanno whts rly been screamin my name out? cuttin again.. whch is odd since i hav been clean for a lng time.. im still quite scarred..♡ i wld miss thm if they wnt.. i cry ovr faded bruisin.. prhaps i wnt outsides to match insides a littl bttr..? uummhum to be fair too,, i wsnt clean on my own accord.. n i rly evn hate to call it clean since i ws burnin up my ribcage wth cigarettes th whole time,, ((bringin me a littl closer to you ♡)) mre thn anythin i dnt wna worry my mom n stuff lik tht.. bt i miss th sensation n the look.. my soul is certainly covered head to toe.. n i do like it tht way.. comfort in sufferin ♡
scotty says i am blessed-destiny doomed ♡