♡ i hvnt blogged in abit..
i wnt add th date.. hmm.. cos im pretty sure this site does it for you..?
i rly wld jst like to get bck into the swing of usin smthin like this.. i cnsiderd jst bein mre open on my tumblr bt uhm.. thts rly scary.. unlike here my feelins cld end up on jst anyones page.. i dnt mind bein open n viewable, raw frm th heart.. i jst wld prefer it b smthin reserved..
ive been scared to express myself fully on th internet in general.. it's quite saddenin <\3 n i miss th bissful innocence of rly postin for th first time.. sure i ws still findin out rly hw to project my soul n style onto th interweb bt.. i wsnt aware of those prying eyes i cn see now.. i rly cnt take th slightest mean criticism, asmch as i try to <\3 evn whn im tlkin to ppl im close to i feel compelled to act a littl mre normal for them.. bck then i rly had no friends,, nt a single one othr than my boyfriend..♡ nw i have him n scotty, sweet angel ♡ ive also spoken wth a couple othr sweet girls in passin,, im grateful for all i cn gt, evn if im shy to rly be true..
a truer version of me wld hold her tongue less.. nt tht i have anythin mean to say, jst odd.. a truer version of me wld speak oddly n nt be scared to admit whn she's dumb, as well as nt b scared to admit when shes smart.. nt be scared to act as childish as she wnts to.. i do thnk i do those things r things i cn do properly in mst corners of th internet.. ♡
ithnk irl wld b the scariest of all to b true in.. i used to b bullied,, so mayb i jst remember tht.. <\3 no one ws too horribly cruel to me.. bt i got the giggles whn i'd wlk by for wht i wore,, people comin' up to me n askin' if "she speaks" ((n invr rly did..)) needless to say i wsnt friends with any of em.. right now i am hmeschooled.. i mch perfer the isolation.. i do rly thinkim jst supr introverted,, bt like i said im aware thts unhealthy..
n i do think it's supr dupr obvious i hav a desire to b knwn, ironically.. it's scary to be percieved bt i'd like to exist in wht i do far after im gne,, maybe it's selfish to wna hav my mark,, idunno.. i ws jokin abt this with my boyfriend in th middl of writin hehe.. i said "th best way i cn describe it is um.. tht my goal is to die n end up ina ~2hr utube documentary titled 'what happened to angelvitiated? (and was she okay?)' heheh..
i feel so horribly articulated here.. um.. ill probably gt bttr,, idunno.. i rly jst wnted to hav my first post no tlk abt myself a littl bit.. ♡